Florence Colorado: Taxidermy On Steroids--Part 2

   We all know Florence, Colorado is the official antiques capital of Colorado. And we know I am The Self-Appointed Queen of Marketing for Florence. And we know that our state moniker is Colorful Colorado.

  That means colorful antiques, junk and colorful characters. Let's complete our tour of Taxidermy on Steroids with Mr. Smith. He's not technically taxidermy. Or if he is, he isn't telling me.

  But I am pretty certain Mr. Smith is related to Fartin' Farnsworth.

  Honestly, you don't know who Fartin' Farnsworth is? He used to grace the window of a business is Cripple Creek. He'd draw attention to semi-vulgar t-shirts and other, ahem, gas-related novelty items. And you think Florence has some strange merchandise and taxidermy characters. At least I have yet to locate a whoopee cushion in any of my junkets in Florence.

  Anyway, Mr. Smith is, I believe, distantly related to Farnsworth and he is in the window of Iron Gate Antiques Mall at 109 W. Main St. in Florence. Since Iron Gate is truly one of the best antique malls in the state and a much classier place that where Farnsworth used to hang out--he is simply named Mr. Smith. Smith is missing a few fingers. Probably from a bar brawl with Fartin' Farnsworth.

  Mr. Smith is for sale. Just about anything in Florence is. The nice fellow who was working at Iron Gate today noticed my intense interest in Mr. Smith today. No, the Iron Gate employee did not call the police on me. He knows I am a dealer. The employee told me the mornings he opens up the shop, he knows in his head that Mr. Smith is not real. Don't tell Mr. Smith that. But, almost every time he opens, Mr. Smith gets him since the employee for an instant thinks Mr. Smith is real.

  Smith ain't the most talkative guy but he smells a lot better than Farnsworth.

  So, let's go back upstairs at the Iron Gate and finish our mini-tour of taxidermy on steroids.

    And you really though I was exaggerating when I said there truly is a land of misfit taxidermy in my first post.

  According to the tag, this bird is a blue-eared pheasant. I did not know pheasant had different ear colors. Perhaps his ears were just cold. But this guy is a looker and I'd certainly purchase him if it wasn't for my husband--the King of Impeccable Taste that barred my own taxidermy purchase from our home. Refer to the previous post, Taxidermy on Steroids.

Awww! This is the frowsiest Bobcat I've ever seen. I was eyeballing this little dude a few weeks ago with another antique dealer and friend and we decided the price on this guy just screamed at us to take him home (under $40) but what the heck! Both our husbands were with us and just were not that enthused.

  Okay, I know this taxidermy treasure is a Bobcat and not a mountain lion. But for some reason Frowsy Bobcat reminded me of the time I was walking in a park on the outskirts of Denver metro. I spotted a sign that suggested a mountain lion might spring out and attempt to kill me at any moment, even though I was very close to Denver.

  The sign gave some very helpful tips about how to get the best of the mountain lion, assuming one was not armed with a pea shooter, a bazooka or a gun. The sign suggested that is was important for the human to regain control of the situation by attempting to get ON TOP of the mountain lion. I kid you not. I really wish even governmental and wildlife agencies would contact me for a common sense  reality check. I would suggest to the authorities that once a mountain lion IS on top of you, you are probably toast.

  I was not the only resident of Denver who thought this was hysterically funny that this wildlife sign in metro Denver gave such sucky advice.

  I suggest that someone take Frowsy Bobcat home and practice a half Nelson on him in preparation for walking in Denver area parks.

Ah, we are not in the Natural History Museum in Denver.  We are still upstairs at Iron Gate.

Consider this, a visit to Florence in truly colorful Colorado is really a cheap vacation that will appeal to all members of the family. Most women like to go antiquing. Check. Most men like to go junking. Check. And most kids like to go to natural history museums. Check. And most of us like to have a good laugh. Check and double check.

Florence Colorado: Taxidermy on Steroids

  Have you ever asked yourself where the land of misfit taxidermy is? Sure you have. You just don't want to admit it. Ya know, sort of like the land of misfit toys? Apparently a great deal of it ends up in Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado.

  I support the Humane Society of the United States and other animal charities. But, deep in my heart, I have a slight and tepid love for scruffy taxidermy. I went to a 12-step program to try and get over it--but it didn't work.

  So, today I took a mini-tour of Florence to see what I could find in the way of misfit taxidermy. What you say? I have no life? I have nothing better to do that browse, gawk and mock taxidermy. Yeah, it's all true and I'm proud of it. It only took about 12 minutes this morning for me to assemble this tour of Florence's fun and funky taxidermy.

  And who am I? The Self-Appointed Queen of Marketing for Florence, Colorado. Translated that means, I just do this for fun and am in NO way associated with the Chamber of Commerce or any of the other fine organizations that promote Florence and Fremont County.

 Full disclosure: I do work in the antiques trade and do have a booth or two of my own in the fine town of Florence. And I do occasionally sneak into a shop or two in town and "help" the owners in exchange for some junk.

  In case anyone (and none of my blog readers would really think this) feels I am having a bit too much fun seeing what is really in the shops and booths in Florence--I'll start my taxidermy tour in my own booth. I'll shame myself.

  Those who live in Florence will recognize this beautiful item. It came out of a restaurant in town, that sadly went out of business. I purchased it for myself. BUT in an ironic twist and reversal of normal gender roles--my husband barred me from bringing in this stuffed Walleye fish with a beer bottle puttied into its mouth, into our humble home.

  What? My husband has no taste when it comes to decorating! Observant blog readers will see that I placed the hapless Walleye in a vintage wicker baby buggy. I was trying to recreate the scene from Rosemary's Baby where Rosemary looks into the buggy and sees the spawn of Satan. My husband was not too amused since he has NEVER been very keen on Satan--and apparently is not too keen on stuffed fish either.

  And where was this hideous picture taken? Actually in one of the finest antique malls in Colorado--Iron Gate Antique Mall at 109 W. Main St. In fact, all of them were. But they were all taken upstairs--where there actually is excellent stuff. And downstairs--well, some of the finest antiques and collectibles in the state, at quite good prices.

  Let's continue the misfit taxidermy tour.

  I can only say one thing about this poor turkey. Well, he's actually half a turkey from what I can tell. But I never claimed to be a turkey or taxidermy expert. All I can say is this Thanksgiving I will be trekking to Whole Foods and buying one of those Tofurkey things--tofu that sorta tastes like turkey.

  Speaking of eating, the King of Impeccable Taste (opposites do attract) just came home and claims it is dinnertime.

  No worries, I'll continue, if I must, on the tour of taxidermy on steroids in the next post.