There Is Only One Punishment For Ariana Grande, Donut Licker

Ah, if only I were a judge and I could mete out the punishment if pop star Ariana Grande is indeed guilty of "maliciously licking" a donut in a Los Angeles area donut shop.

There really is only one truly appropriate punishment. I usually go to ETSY to punish myself by looking at some of the unusual handmade fashions on that site. Why shouldn't alleged donut licker Ariana also be tortured as I am--a person who has never publicly licked a donut.

If I were a judge I would sentence her to one year of wearing these.

Only $49 bucks at ETSY. Sooo sexy. I'd make her order the jumbo size. After all, according to her, Americans are into jumbo sizes. Apparently after a donut shop worker walked by with a tray of jumbo donuts, Ariana chirped through her sugary lips, "What the F... is that? I hate Americans. I hate America."

Tssk, Tssk. Even 22-year-old pop stars should clean up their potty mouths. After all her potty mouth might kiss her mother someday, or lick an innocent donut.

Have some class. Even I don't say WTF out loud, even when I am thinking it about donut-slobbering pop stars. Instead I say this:

OK, my sentence doesn't end there. The ETSY donut undies don't totally do the trick, even though some pop stars wear their undies in public--and lick donuts in public.

I'd make her wear these also.

Another ETSY delight.

Well, heck, there are so many donut fashions at ETSY, it wouldn't be difficult to make Ariana wear donut fashions for that year sentence.

I understand Ariana has a new boyfriend. She might not if she shows up wearing this ETSY beauty.

The Real Reason Barbie & Ken Never Married Or Had Children Or Sex

Well, I don't know for sure why Barbie and Ken never married and/or had children or maybe even had sex. But I think I have a really good idea why. As you know, I despise clown collectibles and fashions.

I'm not sure if Barbie or Ken did it first. But it happened in the early 1960s when Barbie and Ken were quite young.

I have proof. And as usual, ETSY provides the proof that there is not only a clown fashion scourge among all peoples, classes, nations and dolls--but especially for poor Barbie and Ken.

You can actually purchase this crochet pattern on ETSY to make Barbie look like a sexy clown. Circa 1963.

The only problem is that Ken didn't find this look so sexy.

But Barbie didn't really give a clown crap what Ken thought. If he thought this outfit was cool...well, Barbie could do better.

Ken, Ken, Ken! You should have just kept your clown mask on, so Barbie wouldn't have recognized you.

Now, Ken might have found this current clown/circus fashion a little more sexy-- available on ETSY.
But maybe not. The model looks clown-death warmed over.

See, clown and circus fashions can cause depression, decrease libido and wreck the future of Barbie and Ken.

The Queen of Questionable Taste (also known as The Clown Collectibles Mocker) spends her spare time dusting her clown collectibles hoard with a clown-colored feather duster clenched between her butt cheeks for aerobic exercise and for penance of not joining the rest of the world in loving clown collectibles and fashions.