Florence Colorado: FREE, FRIENDLY & FUNky

Remember a couple of blog posts ago, I suggested that Florence should NOT be known as the new Manitou, but instead: The FUNkytown of Fremont County?

I've actually come to the conclusion that one cannot label Florence. This town simply defies such pesky boundaries. Today, it's the freest, friendliest and FUNkiest town. Tomorrow it might be something different.

How did I come to that conclusion today? Well, as you might know, I am married to The King of Impeccable Taste. We've already established he likes to makes folk art and steampunk and other crafts from things he fishes out of the Arkansas River or wherever. But we haven't established that he is also the KING OF THE PACKRATS. No, he's not a hoarder. As The Queen of Questionable Taste, I do run a pretty tight ship and rein (or should I say reign) in his packrat tendencies.

Another thing you might not know about the King is that he's the kind of guy that will hop in the car in a middle of a blizzard or monsoon to get you some ice cream or run any kind of errand just because I might be too lazy to leave the house--or want to trick him, so I can clean up his mounds of packrat stuff when he's gone. So, he's a pretty good all-around guy.

BUT, he KNOWS that the Queen gets a touch irritable when he brings more junk home.

Recently I asked him to run a few errands since the Queen had to do our taxes. The Queen is too cheap (um, thrifty) to hire someone to do taxes and gets a touch irritable around tax time.

The King dutifully gets lost for a few hours, going to the post office, etc. I go to the garage when he returns and catch him in the act. He has a sheepish look on his face as he twitches a bit. "Look what I got."

"Why the heck would we need a paint-stained crappy ladder," I muttered. "We already have good ladders and crappy ladders galore."

"This one was FREE!" He crowed.

I scowled.

I gave him the snake eye. In my Italian family, we used to call it the evil eye. But since I rather like the King at times, when the moon and tides are aligned and he isn't ticking me off--I decided to just do the snake eye and not the evil eye.

"What are you going to do with this beauty?" I asked with just a faint dollop of sarcasm.

The King, who has no nervous tics, did twitch again. He knows NOT to mess with the Queen when she is doing taxes.

"Well, haven't you seen these cool shelves they make out of ladders? In the antique stores?"

I replied, that I had seen no such thing and hoped to never see such a thing.

Then I got up closer to this mess of a ladder and saw something that made me smile.

The King stopped twitching.

"Who made that sign?"

"I don't know. Obviously the person who left it outside for free," he said.

"I'll be darned! That's why I love this town. Who would go through all the trouble to make such a cute sign and cartoon just to get rid of an old ladder," I grinned.

I do believe I am now attached to this crappy, paint-spattered ladder.

Isn't it a beauty? And look at some of the crapola (that's Italian for: Get this crap out of my house and garage before I make you some concrete booties and help you swim with the fishes) in the background. Old light fixtures that the King also got for FREE in Florence at some other person's house that just put a pile of stuff outside with a FREE sign. But that's another story. Oh, heck yeah--I'll tell that story in another blog post, because the King just cannot be stopped and someone needs to start a Fremont County Chapter of Packrats Anonymous.

Oh, I digress. This is why Florence is the free, friendly and FUNkytown this week--because not only do people leave free stuff in their yards for people like the King to delight in--they do it in the friendliest and FUNkiest manner. Oh yeah!

Crystal Emporium: A ROCKing Good Selection

A visit to the Crystal Emporium at 107 E. Main St. in Florence is always fun.

We've stopped by a few times to ask for assistance on rock identification and prices and owner, Faye Roberts is always happy to lend her 40 plus years of knowledge.

Roberts offers free appraisals and is always glad to identify rocks for visitors to the store. She has also co-owned another rock store in Colorado for many years and opened the Crystal Emporium six years ago.

The Crystal Emporium is packed with many fine rock specimens, as well crystals, jewelry, antiques, fossils, gifts items and much more.

Roberts is also joined in the shop by owners David and Mary Roberts.

Just When You Think You Found All The Scary Clowns

Just when I think I've located all the scary clowns in Florence, Colorado--some more arise to bite me in my antique-loving tush.

I'll forgive this scary clown because at least he's true vintage and surrounded by some pretty rocking vintage goodies.

But I don't have the same slightly warm fuzzy feelings for this dude. He looks vaguely drugged. Is that a horn, or he sucking on a crack pipe?

Now honestly look me in the eye and my bulbous red nose and tell me that this clown does not look like he has a creepy intent and he is stalking the angel.

What The Heck Is This Doing In An Antiques Store: A Touch Evil

What the heck is this doing in an antiques store? Being the Sherlock Holmes (ette) of antiques in Florence, Colorado--I like to think deep thoughts about antiques, collectibles and other inanimate objects. I like to wonder who brought them into a store and where the items journeyed before they came to Florence--the antiques capital of Colorado.

Tee hee!

Can you even guess what this is? I didn't know until I read the tag. My first guess was a cousin of Gumby with a grass skirt. Perhaps a distant relative of the animated character,  lived in the Pacific Islands or went on a vacation and got a sunburn.

I was wrong. But that happens a lot, so I am used to it.

Once a fellow co-worker and friend told me, "You know, you are a touch evil. And you ENJOY it!"

I try to take everything said to me with a thick skin and a twinkle in my slightly evil eye and glommed on to the fact that she said a TOUCH evil. Not totally evil. And yeah, I like it. A little.

So, that's my hint about this object. It's just a touch evil.

Any more guesses?

OK, I'm not totally evil and won't keep you in suspense. It's a voodoo doll.

I didn't see that this item came with any pins. But if it did, I would have stuck a pin or two in it (in some not too painful place, since I am only a touch evil) and "zapped" the person who brought this into an antiques shop.

Hmmm. Seems like there is yet another category of antiques. Oh yeah, I could bore myself and talk about RECOGNIZED categories of antiques and collectibles. But what fun would that be.

The new category is Purgatory Antiques and Collectibles. I heard a nasty rumor that Kovel's is coming out with a price guide in this category on the twelfth of never.

Why Purgatory Antiques and Collectibles? That refers to items that are not crummy enough to be thrown out, donated to a charity or re-gifted. But are way too crappy for an antiques store, but someone tries to slip them in anyway and hope no one notices.

Perhaps we can start a National Purge Purgatory Day and have bonfires to rid the world of these items.

Now The Scary Clowns Are Getting Rebellious

It was the Queen of the Delightfully Tacky, who was upstairs at The Iron Gate Mall stocking her booth when she screamed," Oh my God! I wasn't even looking for it, but there it is. Another scary clown."

As usual, I trembled with joy and just happened to have my camera.

But this clown is more than scary--he's a touch rebellious.

Can't you see it in his face and his upraised arms? He's planning some type of scary clown rebellion. I can't figure out if he's plotting against the innocent sock monkey or planning to over take me and the Queen of the Delightfully Tacky.

We'll just have to keep an eye on this guy. I think we finally have found the leader of the scary clowns in Florence.

The Magical World Of Artist Sandy Dale And Her Gnarlies -- Steampunk

Prepare to enter a magical world when you enter the studio of Sandy Dale and her Gnarlies.

The Florence, Colorado artist has shared her creations for many years with Renaissance Festival goers, but also has a studio at 220A W. Main St.

Sandy's artwork covers many medias and subjects, but in honor of Florence's Steampunk Festival on April 11 and 12, we're just showcasing her steam punk-type creations.

Sandy's Main St. studio is open by whim or appointment, so we felt honored to get a peek into her magical world.

Sandy's email is gnarliemother@hotmail.com

Magical steampunk.

A steampunk bird clock that uses a pair of vintage sheep shearers for the beak.

Even the outside of Sandy Dale's studio evokes a magical atmosphere.

Sandy Dale's gypsy wagon, formerly used to sell artwork at fairs, is now parked outside her studio for all to enjoy viewing.

A mural on the outside of the studio.

The world of Sandy Dale and The Gnarlies is complex and magical.

More information about Sandy's artwork is available at: www.linkedin.com/in/thegnarlies and at: www.Facebook/pages/TheGnarlies

In honor of Florence's first Steampunk Festival on April 11 and 12, Sandy will be displaying her artwork in front of King's Flea Market.

What Would Martha Stewart Do About Florence's Scary Clowns?

I sit up nights wondering what Martha Stewart would do if she was in Florence, Colorado browsing and noticed the amount of scary clowns running amok.

Would she run screaming to the offices of Architectural Digest for a cleansing? Or would she do what the Queen of Questionable Taste does and look those scary clowns in the eyes and immortalize them for the whole world to see?

I think she is a brave and talented woman with impeccable taste who would figure out a creative way for people to use scary clowns in decorating.

If she were as scared of the clowns as I was, I think she'd have too much class to show it.

Since I have little class, I'll just keep on showing the tour of Florence's scary clowns and giving myself the willies.

 Oh my goodness! I can't decide if that's a price tag around the clown's neck or he's finally had enough of this cold, cruel world and decided to do himself in. Please, don't do it clown!

 OK, I give this clown permission to do himself in.

 Stop the madness. This isn't Ringling Brothers. This is Florence for goodness sake!

This clown is saying,"Ssshhh! I have a secret. The Queen of Questionable Taste must die soon. She has done more to discredit our kind than all the previous generations of clown mockers before her."