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Monday, June 15, 2015

The Real Reason Barbie & Ken Never Married Or Had Children Or Sex

Well, I don't know for sure why Barbie and Ken never married and/or had children or maybe even had sex. But I think I have a really good idea why. As you know, I despise clown collectibles and fashions.

I'm not sure if Barbie or Ken did it first. But it happened in the early 1960s when Barbie and Ken were quite young.

I have proof. And as usual, ETSY provides the proof that there is not only a clown fashion scourge among all peoples, classes, nations and dolls--but especially for poor Barbie and Ken.

You can actually purchase this crochet pattern on ETSY to make Barbie look like a sexy clown. Circa 1963.

The only problem is that Ken didn't find this look so sexy.

But Barbie didn't really give a clown crap what Ken thought. If he thought this outfit was cool...well, Barbie could do better.

Ken, Ken, Ken! You should have just kept your clown mask on, so Barbie wouldn't have recognized you.

Now, Ken might have found this current clown/circus fashion a little more sexy-- available on ETSY.
But maybe not. The model looks clown-death warmed over.

See, clown and circus fashions can cause depression, decrease libido and wreck the future of Barbie and Ken.

The Queen of Questionable Taste (also known as The Clown Collectibles Mocker) spends her spare time dusting her clown collectibles hoard with a clown-colored feather duster clenched between her butt cheeks for aerobic exercise and for penance of not joining the rest of the world in loving clown collectibles and fashions.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Is Castor Oil A Miraculous Home Remedy?

I confess, I don't often visit doctors, even though I respect the profession, mostly. But I am also skeptical at times over all the "natural" pills, potions, lotions, home remedies and miracle cures. A little snake oil anyone?

That's why I was skeptical when over a decade ago I was browsing in an herb store and the owner told me that castor oil was miraculous for drawing out poisons. I didn't really believe it, even though I purchased a small bottle.

That bottle sat unused for years. I didn't look up any uses for castor oil on the Internet. It didn't even occur to me, but I had a small skin flap on my neck and decided to try the oil on it.

Castor oil is very heavy and thick and generally doesn't run much, but I recommend a small band-aid to keep clothing clean and the oil on the skin.

My skin flap was gone within a few days. It got smaller and smaller and then just fell off with no pain.

I was amazed, but apparently not amazed enough to think much of castor oil again. Back that little bottle went on the shelf--for many years.

Many years later I noticed a pain in my foot. I don't remember stepping on any glass, but it appeared a piece of glass was stuck in the bottom of my foot. Naturally I was having a difficult time walking without excruciating pain. I did the usual thing with sterilizing a needle, gritting my teeth and digging around. It seemed the object just went deeper into my foot, even though it would tempt me for a second and be in reach of the tweezers.

Finally I went to the podiatrist and he took an x-ray. I later found that glass doesn't always show up on x-rays, so he was digging around in my foot relatively blind--just going by the mark I had made in my foot by digging around. He got out a scalpel and dug until there was a fair amount of blood. He would see the elusive foreign object in my foot for a brief second--and confirmed it did appear to be glass. But then it would disappear again and he couldn't get hold of the slippery glas without really opening up my foot.

He finally gave up and announced that I would have to have surgery. I haven't mentioned it, but I am very afraid of needles. I asked if I would have to go all the way under anesthesia. I had a bad experience with going  all the way under as a child.

I suppose everyone is different, but I am one of those types of people who doesn't do very well on most any type of medication--even common ones.

He said yes. I asked if he could just deaden my foot and keep me awake. He said no, because there are too many nerve endings in the foot and sticking needles in the foot is extremely painful. I knew that was true, because his nurse had done that once for my ingrown toenail.

I'd dodged the surgery bullet for years--and it depressed me to think that I'd have to face one of my worst fears over something as stupid as a piece of glass stuck in my foot. No surgery is looked forward to, but it seemed like such a silly thing to have to go into surgery for.

I bandaged my foot and limped around deciding what to do.

A few days later when cleaning out my medicine cabinet I discovered that ancient (by now) bottle of castor oil. I had nothing to lose. Sure, it took a small skin flap off--but was it really powerful enough to penetrate where my needle and the doctor's scalpel had failed? The opening in my foot, from all the digging around, was nearly closed or healed. I put some castor oil and a big band-aid over it. Nothing. I did it for a few more days and then I saw it! Just the tiniest, most microscopic tip of the glass. I reached in my tweezers and grabbed that tiny piece of glass and yanked. Out it came! And it was not a tiny piece of glass. It was quite big and looked like a broken piece of a light bulb. The glass obviously was very fragile and it was a miracle it hadn't broken off in my foot. No, the castor oil seemingly drew it upwards.

Okay, two times castor oil did something that was almost miraculous. But again I put the bottle back on the shelf and forgot about it. That bottle must be well over a decade old by now.

A few weeks ago I was at the grocery store getting some ice cream. The ice cream was crammed and sort of stuck under the shelf. I reached in and unwedged it, but felt a sharp pain. I looked at my hand and saw blood. I commented to my husband that the underside of the ice cream shelf was rather sharp and cut me.

I hurt like hell for a bit, but I promptly forgot about it. It was a nasty combination of a puncture and cut. I saw a black dot and assumed it was a scab. So, I didn't pick at it, even though the scab was hanging around way too long. I finally took a closer look and saw it was not a scab, but a piece of black plastic from the shelf that was stuck under my skin. The skin had calloused a bit, so it wasn't easy to get a needle or tweezers through it. To complicate matters, it was jammed under the webby part of my skin by my index finger. It would have taken two people to get it out. One to hold the webby skin taught and another to do the "operation." I didn't want to bother my husband, so I thought, why not try the castor oil.

Two days and nothing. It was jammed in pretty deep, so I decided the next day I'd bug my husband and accept the pain of having to tear through some pretty calloused skin.

I woke up on the third day and looked at my hand. The black plastic, buried so deep, was gone--and in it's place was a little dent made by the plastic being lodged there for so many weeks and some new fresh pink skin.

Okay, three times castor oil did a miracle for me. I am a believer now! I hope it does the same wonderful things for you too.

I told my husband, I am now convinced that there is rarely a reason to go digging around for splinters or any other minor foreign objects when castor oil seems to do the trick.

Nothing on this blog is to be construed as dispensing medical advice. Any home remedies are simply shared as a personal experience of the writer. Always check with your reputable health care professional before undertaking any natural remedies.