Florence, Colorado: FUN ALERT! The Florence Consignment Corner Grand Reopening

There aren't many guarantees in life--but I can almost guarantee that going to the Florence Consignment Corner, is the most fun you'll have shopping and browsing in a long time.

I've been saying that Florence is the FUNkytown of Fremont County for years. No one believed me. But, aha, now I have real proof.

                                                    FUN MERCHANDISE? HECK, YEAH!

Many folks visited the Florence Consignment Corner during the past year, when it was located in the old NAPA building on Main St. It was fun the past year--but now FCC has a bigger location,  at 118 W. Main St. in the old Tru Value Building.

So there is more room for fun merchandise. FCC has been open in the new location since March 1 and on Saturday, March 31, will have its grand reopening from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Yes, there will be door prize drawings.

                                                 GRAND REOPENING DOOR PRIZES

That's just a small sampling of the door prizes. Many of the FCC vendors will be donating FUN items for the drawings. I heard a rumor that one vendor donated a basket of nostalgic candy for the drawing--and there just might be some wax candy lips and other outrageously fun items in the basket.

There will be free refreshments and snacks--while they last. And there will be free fresh homemade fudge samples. In case you missed it, here's a link to a recent blog post about the fudge: https://truestoryclub.blogspot.com/2018/03/florence-colorado-life-is-better-with.html

                                               NORRIS YOUNGS SERVING UP FUDGE AT FCC

OK, I know all of you that can make it, will attend the grand reopening this Saturday. But those of you who can't...I know you'll make it to FCC as soon as you can. But in the meantime, lets take a blog tour of this store. FCC already attracts lots of local shoppers and browsers, but I'm fairly certain that FCC will also be even more widely known as a tourist destination.

I'll let you judge why that might be so. But my opinion is: I've never seen a store that has such a wide variety of EVERYTHING! Most of us have been to antiques malls. FCC is not an antiques store, but has lots of antiques and collectibles. It's not an indoor flea market, but it has practical tools and household items, without being junky. It has packaged food items and candy. It has artwork and handcrafts.

OK, enough! It would take less time to list what they don't have. Let's have some fun on our tour, which barely scratches the surface of this fun emporium.

Hands down (or up) the funnest chair ever. Just make sure you aim your descent correctly or you might get a surprise.

FCC co-owner Donny Hakes checks out a giraffe.

FCC has a great offering of Watkins products from toiletries, cleaning supplies to spices. Imagine this. You can purchase some Watkins spices.

Get cooking on some quality cast iron cookware and...

Then cook it all up vintage style on this cook stove.

Speaking of yummy things...This is one of my favorite booths in FCC. These vendors from Walsenburg have some great Colorado bread and cookie mixes. We purchased some to include in a gift basket for a charity event (in Denver) to highlight all the diversity of goods and businesses in southern Colorado to our neighbors to the north.

Cool antiques--and is that the famous kitchen sink next to the gasoline sign? I will spare you all--and not make any jokes about the FCC having everything including the kitchen sink. Wait, that's a bathroom sink--so we are all safe. But they do have kitchen sinks too.

And they have a basket of Betty Boops. Not just anyone can claim that!

And absolutely gorgeous artwork to fit any budget or decor.

I want y'all to check out Florence Consignment Corner's Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/findalmostanything/ Notice it says, find almost anything. True. True of FCC and Florence in general.

Thanks to Donny and Molly Hakes, co-owners of FCC, who gave me permission to use a few of their photos for this post. Some of the photos used were taken by me--but their photos are better.

And don't forget the grand reopening March 31 at 118 W. Main St.

Florence,Colorado: Getting Interviewed By KKTV News In Your Underwear?

Usually it's peaceful in Florence, Colorado--just the way I like it. But today a bit of a crime wave hit our fair burg.

This morning my husband was up early doing yard work and came in to inform me that he found a woman's Bible (in a pretty padded zip-up cover) and a tote filled with items that looked like they belonged to a woman. The items were thrown in our backyard.

My husband's first inclination was a neighbor got upset at someone and threw them over our fence. Since we know or at least are  acquainted  of all our neighbors, that didn't seem to fit. All the neighbors are quiet and calm. We're probably (OK, just me) the most rowdy people in the neighborhood.

My mind works a little more cynically. I suggested someone had been abducted or perhaps murdered. Yes, I read too many books. I told my husband to not touch the items anymore due to fingerprints in case these were crime items.

Turns out they were crime items, but thankfully not in the way I originally speculated.

We were on our way to Colorado Springs, but my husband wanted to stop by the police station to turn the items in. But as we were getting ready to leave I noticed a Florence Police car at the neighbors and told my husband I'd just run out and tell the officer we found some things in our backyard.

Apparently our neighbor had their min-van stolen. After I expressed my heartfelt sorrow for this loss I told the officer we had some items we were going to drop off and he saved us a trip. He asked what they were. I said we didn't look too closely due to fingerprints, but a Bible was among the items.

He said the lady who they were stolen from was going to be very happy about the Bible being found. Apparently the items were stolen from her car, a few blocks from our house. We were also told a helmet and a Kevlar vest was stolen from a Fremont County deputy sheriff's cruiser, not far from our house.

The items we recovered were spread out on a Florence Police cruiser and we waved at our neighbors and the Florence Police chief who had just arrived and drove onto the Springs.

We had no idea the crime wave extended past our street and a neighboring street. We were troubled by this local crime, literally in our backyard.

You see, Florence has a fairly low crime rate. I checked it out extensively before we moved here--coming from living decades in the Springs and then in Denver for a short time. Florence has virtually no violent crimes. Murders are rare. Years go by where there are no murders. Rapes, same thing. Assaults, also rare. Petty theft and such is more of a problem according to stats, but still fairly low. Illegal drugs and domestic assaults are problems, as they are most everywhere--but most people like me who check crime stats know that if you don't hang out in certain circles, that type of crime most likely won't affect one personally.

Florence is a Mayberry-type town. The kind of place where people leave their doors and cars unlocked sometimes.  But I've lived in high-crime areas in my adult years and was raised on the mean streets of New York.

Even with my more cynical mindset, I never expected to be on the edges of a crime wave in Florence.

So, on our drive today to the Springs we talked about getting an alarm system and securing our property even more. Even though we didn't have anything missing. Both our cars were unlocked, but nothing was missing. Of course, I had crap in my car that was destined for thrift store donation.

We just arrived back from the Springs, with this incident fresh on our minds, but more hungry and tired from our shopping trip. I was cutting some meat for dinner with some kitchen shears and I saw a man from the kitchen window who was walking up our driveway waving and smiling. At first I thought he was a religious person (wouldn't have minded) by the way he was dressed. But he had nothing in his hands. So I thought: Police detective.

No, reporter from KKTV, Channel 11 in Colorado Springs. He wanted to know what we knew about the car thefts. I came outside still with my kitchen shears in hand and told him what the police had told us and the stolen property in our backyard. He asked if we knew that two other people on our block had things stolen out of their cars. No, we didn't know that.

                                         My Husband And Spencer From KKTV Channel 11

He ran across the street to talk to another neighbor briefly and came back, so I invited him in the house to talk about the stolen property found in our backyard. My husband was cooking. Spencer Wilson, the reporter, asked if he could get an interview and I said sure, but let my husband do it since he's the one who found the items.

I looked at my husband to see if that was acceptable and he replied,"Well, I'll do it. But I'd at least like to put my pants on!"

Thankfully he was standing at the kitchen island and only I could see he was in his undies with a tank top. Spencer ran to get his camera and hubby ran to get his pants.

I think the interview would have been more entertaining in undies.

Spencer told us two vehicles had been taken from a construction site, but it probably wasn't related to what happened on our street and to another car and the deputy's cruiser a few blocks from us. We hadn't heard about the stolen construction vehicles, but were shocked so much crime happened in a few hours in a sleepy town that more concerns itself with antiques, festivals and parades and enjoying small town America.

We didn't get to talk to Spencer for too long since he was under deadline to get his story in tonight. I told him I understood, because years ago I volunteered to type closed captioning (for a competing news station in Colorado Springs) and sat right next to the editing station and saw the stress of editing stories under deadline. I also used to be under deadlines myself in print journalism, so I felt very sympathetic, but not so much that I didn't ask the extremely cordial Spencer if he'd pose for a blog picture.

What a good sport. Spencer is a true professional. He wasn't phased I came outside waving kitchen shears, or my husband cooked in his underwear and even took note that my husband was making a tomato, cucumber and onion salad that looked exactly like the one he made at home.

Spencer told us this was only his second day on the job. Of course, I cheered him on, even though it is not his first job in journalism. Basically I indicated encouragement and the knowledge he was going to go far in his career, without saying it outright since he was in a hurry. His last cheerful words as he zipped back to the studio were,"You have somebody at 11!"

Community journalism at its best.

And as a community of journalists, citizens and law enforcement--let's do our damnedest to find these criminals who think they can steal not only vehicles and things from vehicles, but our peace of mind.

Here's a link to the initial information when this story was just breaking from KKTV: http://www.kktv.com/content/news/Stolen-vehicles--444752653.html

This was when the information was vague. Tonight at 10 there will be more. Other TV stations had similar vague information, but was calling on the community to help find these criminals.

A stock photo of some of the items stolen from the deputy's cruiser was posted. It didn't occur to us, until Spencer posed the question that someone could use those items to impersonate law enforcement.

There are other details about this crime wave that will probably come out soon enough (from law enforcement and journalists) and the lesson will be we all need to be more vigilant in protecting ourselves from crime.

#FindItInFlorence We Found Rocky Mountain Lace Guild Members In Florence, Colorado

Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado has rolled out its marketing campaign: #FindItInFlorence.

Though I have no connection to any organizations in Florence, I like to see who I can find in Florence and what THEY found in Florence.

Most blog readers know I like to pop out of nowhere and ask people what they found in Florence and what they plan to do with it. So far we've found extraordinary people from all over the state and world, shopping in our fair burg.

This time I found three members of the Rocky Mountain Lace Guild in Florence. They immediately honed in on a sterling silver tatting shuttle monogrammed with the letter M. They noted their might be a "fight" over the shuttle since both their last names started with M. I suggested that even though they had the upper arm strength with all that lace making, to arm wrestle for it that they might share it six months out of each year.

See the interesting things one can find in Florence? I didn't even know there were any antique tatting shuttles in the whole town, much less a sterling one. That ought to teach me--one can find almost ANYTHING in Florence.

I discovered these lace artists had stopped in Florence because they were in town for a lace retreat at the Abbey Events Complex in Canon City.

Members of the Rocky Mountain Lace Guild. Holding the shuttle is Laurie Masten. In the middle is Mary and on the left is Sandra Mapp.

More information about the guild is available at: http://www.rockymountainlaceguild.org/

So we found these talented ladies discovering a treasure in Florence. Will we find YOU in Florence next? Tune in for future blog posts for more people we found in Florence. The next entry of We Found YOU in Florence will feature a mishap with a sharp dental instrument and a heartwarming story of folks working to rescue our furry friends.

Now The Scary Clowns Are Getting Rebellious

It was the Queen of the Delightfully Tacky, who was upstairs at The Iron Gate Mall stocking her booth when she screamed," Oh my God! I wasn't even looking for it, but there it is. Another scary clown."

As usual, I trembled with joy and just happened to have my camera.

But this clown is more than scary--he's a touch rebellious.

Can't you see it in his face and his upraised arms? He's planning some type of scary clown rebellion. I can't figure out if he's plotting against the innocent sock monkey or planning to over take me and the Queen of the Delightfully Tacky.

We'll just have to keep an eye on this guy. I think we finally have found the leader of the scary clowns in Florence.

The Magical World Of Artist Sandy Dale And Her Gnarlies -- Steampunk

Prepare to enter a magical world when you enter the studio of Sandy Dale and her Gnarlies.

The Florence, Colorado artist has shared her creations for many years with Renaissance Festival goers, but also has a studio at 220A W. Main St.

Sandy's artwork covers many medias and subjects, but in honor of Florence's Steampunk Festival on April 11 and 12, we're just showcasing her steam punk-type creations.

Sandy's Main St. studio is open by whim or appointment, so we felt honored to get a peek into her magical world.

Sandy's email is gnarliemother@hotmail.com

Magical steampunk.

A steampunk bird clock that uses a pair of vintage sheep shearers for the beak.

Even the outside of Sandy Dale's studio evokes a magical atmosphere.

Sandy Dale's gypsy wagon, formerly used to sell artwork at fairs, is now parked outside her studio for all to enjoy viewing.

A mural on the outside of the studio.

The world of Sandy Dale and The Gnarlies is complex and magical.

More information about Sandy's artwork is available at: www.linkedin.com/in/thegnarlies and at: www.Facebook/pages/TheGnarlies

In honor of Florence's first Steampunk Festival on April 11 and 12, Sandy will be displaying her artwork in front of King's Flea Market.

What Would Martha Stewart Do About Florence's Scary Clowns?

I sit up nights wondering what Martha Stewart would do if she was in Florence, Colorado browsing and noticed the amount of scary clowns running amok.

Would she run screaming to the offices of Architectural Digest for a cleansing? Or would she do what the Queen of Questionable Taste does and look those scary clowns in the eyes and immortalize them for the whole world to see?

I think she is a brave and talented woman with impeccable taste who would figure out a creative way for people to use scary clowns in decorating.

If she were as scared of the clowns as I was, I think she'd have too much class to show it.

Since I have little class, I'll just keep on showing the tour of Florence's scary clowns and giving myself the willies.

 Oh my goodness! I can't decide if that's a price tag around the clown's neck or he's finally had enough of this cold, cruel world and decided to do himself in. Please, don't do it clown!

 OK, I give this clown permission to do himself in.

 Stop the madness. This isn't Ringling Brothers. This is Florence for goodness sake!

This clown is saying,"Ssshhh! I have a secret. The Queen of Questionable Taste must die soon. She has done more to discredit our kind than all the previous generations of clown mockers before her."

Florence Colorado: Good Stuff Antiques, No Doilies or Scary Clown Toys

Do I put my money where my mouth is? I've been blathering on about some of the cool stuff, and about some rather bizarre stuff that can be found in Florence--the antiques capital of Colorado.

But is my house tastefully stuffed with good stuff that I've found in Florence? Heck yeah!

Awhile back I promised a tour of my house. I basically decorate in the gypsy, peacock, pseudo-Victorian funk style. Never heard of that style, you say? I hadn't either, but living in Florence inspired me. So, that's basically what you'll see in my home.

One of my favorite antiques stores in Florence is Good Stuff at 131-B W. Main St. Lots of the "good stuff" in our house came from there. Now that is high praise coming from a picker. That means the prices are good.

I've loved Good Stuff for years. Even my husband, the King of Impeccable Taste loves it.

But what do other people think? I did a quick search online and the reviews of Good Stuff are right on the money. But my favorite review, in part, read,"No doilies or scary clown toys..."

That is INDEED high praise of an antiques store. And I am pretty sure, I know what Florence store that reviewer is referring to when they mention scary clown toys and doilies. Meow! But I will never tell. That is part of the mystique of Florence, finding where the good stuff is and then alternately being scared by clowns.

My most recent purchase at Good Stuff was a large amount of vintage brooches. I have a love of peacock decor and most anything sparkly, shiny, gaudy and over the top. Sure, I love primitives and folk art too--but gaudy is yummy.

I start out with getting this one vintage peacock brooch. Next thing I know about eight more vintage brooches are in my hot little hands. Of course, the owner at Good Stuff cut me a bulk deal without me even asking. I thought the prices were fairly cheap anyway.

So, I get home with my glittery treasures and realize that I don't really wear that much jewelry and certainly not gaudy brooches. What to do?

A few years back, The King of Impeccable Taste found a neat standing lamp at a Colorado yard sale. The King is the original Colorado Picker. The King got some fabric, beads and trim and made some lamp shades.

I decided the lamp need to be tricked out with gaudy brooches. Is this rather like Pimp My Lamp?

Tacky. Tackalicious. I love it. And I love Good Stuff Antiques.

Florence Colorado: Barn & Barrel, One Of The Best Window Displays

  I haven't done an official study, but I imagine Florence Colorado has one of the highest per capita ratios of antiques in the country. And the antiques capital of Colorado also has some of the best window displays I've seen anywhere.

  I'm a sucker for anything vintage and green, whether it's close to St. Patrick's Day or not.

  The current window display and at Barn & Barrel at 119 W. Main St. is delicious and green. Every shade of green from minty to sagey to Ireland. Weathered paint. Ah. Yummy.

  And this is just the window display. The shop inside is also full of tremendously delicious vintage delights.

  Barn and Barrel is one of cutest stores in Florence, but I bet as I take blog readers on more tours of Florence, I'll be writing that about most every store in town. And it will be true! After all, this is True Story Club.

 

Florence Colorado: Taxidermy On Steroids--Part 2

   We all know Florence, Colorado is the official antiques capital of Colorado. And we know I am The Self-Appointed Queen of Marketing for Florence. And we know that our state moniker is Colorful Colorado.

  That means colorful antiques, junk and colorful characters. Let's complete our tour of Taxidermy on Steroids with Mr. Smith. He's not technically taxidermy. Or if he is, he isn't telling me.

  But I am pretty certain Mr. Smith is related to Fartin' Farnsworth.

  Honestly, you don't know who Fartin' Farnsworth is? He used to grace the window of a business is Cripple Creek. He'd draw attention to semi-vulgar t-shirts and other, ahem, gas-related novelty items. And you think Florence has some strange merchandise and taxidermy characters. At least I have yet to locate a whoopee cushion in any of my junkets in Florence.

  Anyway, Mr. Smith is, I believe, distantly related to Farnsworth and he is in the window of Iron Gate Antiques Mall at 109 W. Main St. in Florence. Since Iron Gate is truly one of the best antique malls in the state and a much classier place that where Farnsworth used to hang out--he is simply named Mr. Smith. Smith is missing a few fingers. Probably from a bar brawl with Fartin' Farnsworth.

  Mr. Smith is for sale. Just about anything in Florence is. The nice fellow who was working at Iron Gate today noticed my intense interest in Mr. Smith today. No, the Iron Gate employee did not call the police on me. He knows I am a dealer. The employee told me the mornings he opens up the shop, he knows in his head that Mr. Smith is not real. Don't tell Mr. Smith that. But, almost every time he opens, Mr. Smith gets him since the employee for an instant thinks Mr. Smith is real.

  Smith ain't the most talkative guy but he smells a lot better than Farnsworth.

  So, let's go back upstairs at the Iron Gate and finish our mini-tour of taxidermy on steroids.

    And you really though I was exaggerating when I said there truly is a land of misfit taxidermy in my first post.

  According to the tag, this bird is a blue-eared pheasant. I did not know pheasant had different ear colors. Perhaps his ears were just cold. But this guy is a looker and I'd certainly purchase him if it wasn't for my husband--the King of Impeccable Taste that barred my own taxidermy purchase from our home. Refer to the previous post, Taxidermy on Steroids.

Awww! This is the frowsiest Bobcat I've ever seen. I was eyeballing this little dude a few weeks ago with another antique dealer and friend and we decided the price on this guy just screamed at us to take him home (under $40) but what the heck! Both our husbands were with us and just were not that enthused.

  Okay, I know this taxidermy treasure is a Bobcat and not a mountain lion. But for some reason Frowsy Bobcat reminded me of the time I was walking in a park on the outskirts of Denver metro. I spotted a sign that suggested a mountain lion might spring out and attempt to kill me at any moment, even though I was very close to Denver.

  The sign gave some very helpful tips about how to get the best of the mountain lion, assuming one was not armed with a pea shooter, a bazooka or a gun. The sign suggested that is was important for the human to regain control of the situation by attempting to get ON TOP of the mountain lion. I kid you not. I really wish even governmental and wildlife agencies would contact me for a common sense  reality check. I would suggest to the authorities that once a mountain lion IS on top of you, you are probably toast.

  I was not the only resident of Denver who thought this was hysterically funny that this wildlife sign in metro Denver gave such sucky advice.

  I suggest that someone take Frowsy Bobcat home and practice a half Nelson on him in preparation for walking in Denver area parks.

Ah, we are not in the Natural History Museum in Denver.  We are still upstairs at Iron Gate.

Consider this, a visit to Florence in truly colorful Colorado is really a cheap vacation that will appeal to all members of the family. Most women like to go antiquing. Check. Most men like to go junking. Check. And most kids like to go to natural history museums. Check. And most of us like to have a good laugh. Check and double check.

Florence Colorado: Taxidermy on Steroids

  Have you ever asked yourself where the land of misfit taxidermy is? Sure you have. You just don't want to admit it. Ya know, sort of like the land of misfit toys? Apparently a great deal of it ends up in Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado.

  I support the Humane Society of the United States and other animal charities. But, deep in my heart, I have a slight and tepid love for scruffy taxidermy. I went to a 12-step program to try and get over it--but it didn't work.

  So, today I took a mini-tour of Florence to see what I could find in the way of misfit taxidermy. What you say? I have no life? I have nothing better to do that browse, gawk and mock taxidermy. Yeah, it's all true and I'm proud of it. It only took about 12 minutes this morning for me to assemble this tour of Florence's fun and funky taxidermy.

  And who am I? The Self-Appointed Queen of Marketing for Florence, Colorado. Translated that means, I just do this for fun and am in NO way associated with the Chamber of Commerce or any of the other fine organizations that promote Florence and Fremont County.

 Full disclosure: I do work in the antiques trade and do have a booth or two of my own in the fine town of Florence. And I do occasionally sneak into a shop or two in town and "help" the owners in exchange for some junk.

  In case anyone (and none of my blog readers would really think this) feels I am having a bit too much fun seeing what is really in the shops and booths in Florence--I'll start my taxidermy tour in my own booth. I'll shame myself.

  Those who live in Florence will recognize this beautiful item. It came out of a restaurant in town, that sadly went out of business. I purchased it for myself. BUT in an ironic twist and reversal of normal gender roles--my husband barred me from bringing in this stuffed Walleye fish with a beer bottle puttied into its mouth, into our humble home.

  What? My husband has no taste when it comes to decorating! Observant blog readers will see that I placed the hapless Walleye in a vintage wicker baby buggy. I was trying to recreate the scene from Rosemary's Baby where Rosemary looks into the buggy and sees the spawn of Satan. My husband was not too amused since he has NEVER been very keen on Satan--and apparently is not too keen on stuffed fish either.

  And where was this hideous picture taken? Actually in one of the finest antique malls in Colorado--Iron Gate Antique Mall at 109 W. Main St. In fact, all of them were. But they were all taken upstairs--where there actually is excellent stuff. And downstairs--well, some of the finest antiques and collectibles in the state, at quite good prices.

  Let's continue the misfit taxidermy tour.

  I can only say one thing about this poor turkey. Well, he's actually half a turkey from what I can tell. But I never claimed to be a turkey or taxidermy expert. All I can say is this Thanksgiving I will be trekking to Whole Foods and buying one of those Tofurkey things--tofu that sorta tastes like turkey.

  Speaking of eating, the King of Impeccable Taste (opposites do attract) just came home and claims it is dinnertime.

  No worries, I'll continue, if I must, on the tour of taxidermy on steroids in the next post.

Florence Colorado's Finest: Officer, There's A Rattlesnake In My House!

Duct Tape: One of Law Enforcement's Finest Tools In Snake Wrangling

I came home after a long day's work at an antique store on Florence's Main Street. For those of you who don't know, Florence Colorado is a friendly, small town that is also the Antiques Capital of Colorado. And for those of you who don't know: Florence is also home to one of the finest police forces. I should know--I've had enough interactions with them in my few short years here. 

And for those who don't know: Florence has quite the bunch of animals alternately amusing and scaring the heck out of some of its residents.

I put my feet up and heard a few crackling noises. I didn't think much of it. We had had a mouse in the free-standing pine cupboard in our kitchen a few weeks ago. One day when I went to get some dog food out of the cupboard, I scared the mouse and it flew onto me, as we both screamed and both went running for cover. I figured the mouse was back.

But the rustling noises were so persistent, I finally called upon my mellow Collie and feisty (but chicken)  Terrier to be of some use, other than being adorable and loyal, and check out the noises. Both pooches dutifully went into the kitchen and the Collie looked alarmed and herded something, possibly by the kitchen sink.

I went back to relaxing. Got dinner on. My husband came home from a really long day at work and we settled in to watch Sleepy Hollow.    I heard a crackling noise, grabbed the remote to turn the TV down and asked my husband, "What is that noise?"   

I still had the remote in my hand when he got up and yelled, "My gosh! There's a rattlesnake under the bookcase!"

Always calm under pressure, he told me to get the dogs into the bedroom. Of course, they were timidly walking towards the little serpent. We all ran to the bedroom. Well, not my husband. I'll call my husband, Dirk.

Dirk, stood in the living room staring at where he last saw the snake disappear under the bookcase. I hissed, from the bedroom, "Call 911! And come to the bedroom NOW!."

I'm calm (in my actions) in threatening situations--but I tend to flap my arms like a bird and hiss a lot when a mouse jumps out of a cupboard on me, or when a rattlesnake rattles for at least 30 seconds under any of my furniture.

"Call 911!"

Dirk attempted to get Siri (or whatever the heck that lady's name is on the I-phone) to get the non-emergency number for Florence Police Department. But he refuses to run like a chicken to the bedroom and tells me he needs to see where the snake is and if it stays in place. Our conversation goes like this:

Dirk: Find Florence Police Department.

Siri: I've found two police departments. Do you want me to call emergency services?

Me: It's a damn emergency! Tell Siri to call 911. Or better yet--you do it!

Dirk: Find Florence Police Department.

Siri: I've found two police departments. Do you want me to call emergency services?

Me: Call 911 right now or I'll strike worse than a rattlesnake.

Dirk is finally compelled by my hysterical tones to call 911. If my phone hadn't been too close to the snake, I would have called 911 without getting Siri involved. Dirk later told me that he was trying to call non-emergency because he didn't want to get chastised for calling 911 for a questionable reason. I wonder what would have qualified for an emergency in Dirk's opinion? Godzilla busting through our roof? An escapee from Super Max knocking on our door and asking for cupcakes, a change of clothes and traveling money? 

Officers from Florence Police Department arrive a few moments later. I peek my head out of the bedroom door and saw two uniformed officers. I somehow expected them to have big leather gloves, I guess like the kind you use to train falcons and perhaps a beekeeper's headgear and some boots. And maybe a snake-catching hook. I see nothing of the sort and yell at one of the officers," Do you have some type of tools or equipment?"

One officer chuckles, "Nope. The only tool I have is a lack of common sense."

My adrenalin levels were so high that I seem to remember mumbling something to Dirk about having concerns that they aren't trained for this--and where the heck is someone from wildlife or the humane society, or the snake wrangling society.

The officer assures me that he can handle this and I tell him I am just concerned for their safety. After all, I had stuffed clothes and plastic under the bedroom door cracks in case something went wrong.

I decide to close the door and keep my semi-hysteria to myself and let Florence's finest do their job. After all, Dirk is watching out for them. Dirk later confided that he would have done the snake wrangling himself, with possibly the help of a male friend a few blocks away, but he knew I would not permit that. He got that right!

I have the bedroom door shut and nearly hermetically sealed, But I do hear the officer ask if we have a wire coat hanger. The words are barely out his mouth and I'm flinging a wire coat hanger down the hallway. I then ask if a metal trash can would help. "It sure would," the officer answers.

I fling that like a hockey puck down the hallway and this time keep the door closed.

I hear some rattling. I'm quivering and consider yelling,"Just shoot the darn snake, I don't care about my house or belongings!" I shut my mouth. And in case you don't know--I get upset if I accidentally step on a snail and am a member of the ASPCA and the Humane Society. So, killing a snake is not first on my list of options.

I hear more rattling. Then the officer, the lead snake wrangler, screamed an expletive. "Oh, pardon my French."

"Don't worry," Dirk muttered, "I've said a lot worse."

This is not going well, so I stuff more things under the door and another expletive is heard. I'm actually thinking more and worse expletives in my thoughts than the officer could ever utter.

More rattling, thumping and then silence. I decided to pull up my big girl panties and see what's going on.

The officer said," Hey, do you have any duct tape? And hey, what about a piece of cardboard box?"

Ah, the high-tech world of snake wrangling.Dirk runs to the garage to trim some cardboard. I'm still shivering in the bedroom and finally get enough guts to see what is going on.

Ah, the officer and lead snake handler is proudly crouched by a large vintage Quality Candies tin that we use as a trash can. He is holding down a neatly trimmed piece of cardboard and waiting for Dirk to bring some duct tape.

Now, I purchased this candy tin (now a snake cage) from a fellow antique dealer who used to work at the same shop as I did. And come to think of it, I also purchased the lovely pine bookcase the snake was hiding under from her. We no longer work at the same antique store, but she still works downtown in the trade--so I think I'll have to pay her a visit this weekend and tell her to take her voodoo hex snake powder curse off the two items I purchased from her that were involved in the rattlesnake battle.

The officer, whom I will now refer to as, Officer Hero, was smiling and asked me if I'd like to take a peek at the rattlesnake before the cardboard got taped down.

"Thanks, but heck no!"

"Oh, come on," he cajoled," Curiosity will get the best of you!"

"No, it won't," I screeched.

Seeing my obvious agitation and lingering affects of adrenalin, he decided to comfort me with the information that there were a lot of rattlesnakes around here. Well, I'll be darned. We live in a newer house in the developed part of Florence. Certainly not on farmland or in the more rural areas.

Dirk brought in the duct tape. Officer Hero and the other two officers--I did not notice until I calmed down that there were three officers-- did a bang up job of duct taping the cardboard to the candy tin.

I ask all of them what I can do for them, since I am grateful for what they did. "Nothing, we get paid for this," one of the other officers replied.

You don't get paid enough, I am thinking. I was thinking along the lines of buying tickets for the Policeman's Ball, if Florence even has such a thing, or donating to some police charity--but am too rattled (pun intended) to pursue that idea.

"Okay," Officer Hero said," We'll take care of the snake and be back to return the tin later. And if it's too late and you're not up, we'll just leave it on the porch."

"Oh, I think I'll be up most of the night after this."

Officer Hero was truly fantastic. He had attempted to get the snake by just blindly scooping at it with the hanger and then later this hook-type thing called a Thera-Cane that one uses to reach sore spots in places you can't reach.

Dirk later told me Officer Hero and the other officers didn't wish to move the bookcase because they were afraid of breaking things. Of course, Dirk told them that people were more important than our things.

So, right before the officers left to take care of the rattler, he had the other two move the bookcase back. It turns out Officer Hero is a bit of an interior decorator. He told the other two officers after they moved the bookcase back, "Hey, that's not centered!"

They immediately centered it.

If you look at the above picture, blurry as it is, due to Dirk still being a bit rattled when taking the picture, in the foreground is a pile of dust bunnies. As I came staggering out of the bedroom that's the first thing I noticed before the snake  candy tin. "Oh my God," I yelled," Are those dust bunnies?! On top of this, do I have to be embarrassed in front of the police due to dust bunnies?"

Dirk later told me the officers were going to release the sneaky serpent back into the wild.

I asked Dirk what all the mild cussing and noises were. "Oh, the snake just kept escaping and striking at him."

"Oh, is that all?"

I asked Officer Hero if he'd ever done this before. "Unfortunately, I've done it a few times."

Officer Hero grabbed the tin, which was rattling louder than a tambourine.

And that kids, is why the Florence Police Department is great. It really helps to have an officer with the same twisted sense of humor I have.

Dirk later told me that Officer Hero was teasing me about showing me the snake, because if he lifted the lid it would have continued striking at him. 

So, next time you see one of Florence's finest--raise your respect and a roll of duct tape for all they do.