Florence,Colorado: Politically Incorrect Antiques, Doctors Smoke Camels

Update: This blog post was originally posted here on 2-11-16. Since then I've decided to devote some more posts to the FUN world of politically (and socially) incorrect antiques and collectibles. It's a fun (and sometimes horrifying) look at how history can be shown through antiques and collectibles.

Here's one of my favorite politically incorrect antiques or collectibles.

Yep! More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.

Every doctor in private practice was asked!

I'm assuming that back way when, there were only a few doctors in private practice to even ask. And I am just guessing that when those doctors where "asked" there was a nice "sample" of Camels for the good doctor and all the staff--and maybe even a visit from that smoking hot cutie in the red dress.

 Ah, the good old days when a doctor came into the room and was smoking and flicked an ash off your chart before he asked you how you were feeling.

Browsers  love this framed ad and walk by it and chuckle. They come up to the counter and joke about it. I'm surprised it hasn't sold to a doctor who wants to decorate his office. When and if that happens, we'll miss this piece of history--because it reminds us how fun and funny antiques and collectibles can be.

Florence, Colorado: Police Officers & A Sneaky Rattlesnake

Update: This blog post was originally posted here on 9-13-14. Since we've recently seen yet another example of the Florence Police Department's heroics (on Feb. 6, 2017 with the bomb scare in downtown Florence) I thought this blog post from over two years ago would be a nice reminder of what our men and woman in blue do for us--in this slightly humorous look at police vs. a sneaky rattlesnake.

p.s. Shortly before Christmas of 2014 I semi-anonymously dropped a gift bag of Trader Joe snacks and candy at the Florence Police Department to thank these unknown officers. No, there were no donuts in the gift bag--just a whole lot of gratitude.

Duct Tape: One of Law Enforcement's Finest Tools In Snake Wrangling

I came home after a long day's work at an antique store on Florence's Main Street. For those of you who don't know, Florence Colorado is a friendly, small town that is also the Antiques Capital of Colorado. And for those of you who don't know: Florence is also home to one of the finest police forces. I should know--I've had enough interactions with them in my few short years here. 

And for those who don't know: Florence has quite the bunch of animals alternately amusing and scaring the heck out of some of its residents.

I put my feet up and heard a few crackling noises. I didn't think much of it. We had had a mouse in the free-standing pine cupboard in our kitchen a few weeks ago. One day when I went to get some dog food out of the cupboard, I scared the mouse and it flew onto me, as we both screamed and both went running for cover. I figured the mouse was back.

But the rustling noises were so persistent, I finally called upon my mellow Collie and feisty (but chicken)  Terrier to be of some use, other than being adorable and loyal, and check out the noises. Both pooches dutifully went into the kitchen and the Collie looked alarmed and herded something, possibly by the kitchen sink.

I went back to relaxing. Got dinner on. My husband came home from a really long day at work and we settled in to watch Sleepy Hollow.    I heard a crackling noise, grabbed the remote to turn the TV down and asked my husband, "What is that noise?"   

I still had the remote in my hand when he got up and yelled, "My gosh! There's a rattlesnake under the bookcase!"

Always calm under pressure, he told me to get the dogs into the bedroom. Of course, they were timidly walking towards the little serpent. We all ran to the bedroom. Well, not my husband. I'll call my husband, Dirk.

Dirk, stood in the living room staring at where he last saw the snake disappear under the bookcase. I hissed, from the bedroom, "Call 911! And come to the bedroom NOW!."

I'm calm (in my actions) in threatening situations--but I tend to flap my arms like a bird and hiss a lot when a mouse jumps out of a cupboard on me, or when a rattlesnake rattles for at least 30 seconds under any of my furniture.

"Call 911!"

Dirk attempted to get Siri (or whatever the heck that lady's name is on the I-phone) to get the non-emergency number for Florence Police Department. But he refuses to run like a chicken to the bedroom and tells me he needs to see where the snake is and if it stays in place. Our conversation goes like this:

Dirk: Find Florence Police Department.

Siri: I've found two police departments. Do you want me to call emergency services?

Me: It's a damn emergency! Tell Siri to call 911. Or better yet--you do it!

Dirk: Find Florence Police Department.

Siri: I've found two police departments. Do you want me to call emergency services?

Me: Call 911 right now or I'll strike worse than a rattlesnake.

Dirk is finally compelled by my hysterical tones to call 911. If my phone hadn't been too close to the snake, I would have called 911 without getting Siri involved. Dirk later told me that he was trying to call non-emergency because he didn't want to get chastised for calling 911 for a questionable reason. I wonder what would have qualified for an emergency in Dirk's opinion? Godzilla busting through our roof? An escapee from Super Max knocking on our door and asking for cupcakes, a change of clothes and traveling money? 

Officers from Florence Police Department arrive a few moments later. I peek my head out of the bedroom door and saw two uniformed officers. I somehow expected them to have big leather gloves, I guess like the kind you use to train falcons and perhaps a beekeeper's headgear and some boots. And maybe a snake-catching hook. I see nothing of the sort and yell at one of the officers," Do you have some type of tools or equipment?"

One officer chuckles, "Nope. The only tool I have is a lack of common sense."

My adrenalin levels were so high that I seem to remember mumbling something to Dirk about having concerns that they aren't trained for this--and where the heck is someone from wildlife or the humane society, or the snake wrangling society.

The officer assures me that he can handle this and I tell him I am just concerned for their safety. After all, I had stuffed clothes and plastic under the bedroom door cracks in case something went wrong.

I decide to close the door and keep my semi-hysteria to myself and let Florence's finest do their job. After all, Dirk is watching out for them. Dirk later confided that he would have done the snake wrangling himself, with possibly the help of a male friend a few blocks away, but he knew I would not permit that. He got that right!

I have the bedroom door shut and nearly hermetically sealed, But I do hear the officer ask if we have a wire coat hanger. The words are barely out his mouth and I'm flinging a wire coat hanger down the hallway. I then ask if a metal trash can would help. "It sure would," the officer answers.

I fling that like a hockey puck down the hallway and this time keep the door closed.

I hear some rattling. I'm quivering and consider yelling,"Just shoot the darn snake, I don't care about my house or belongings!" I shut my mouth. And in case you don't know--I get upset if I accidentally step on a snail and am a member of the ASPCA and the Humane Society. So, killing a snake is not first on my list of options.

I hear more rattling. Then the officer, the lead snake wrangler, screamed an expletive. "Oh, pardon my French."

"Don't worry," Dirk muttered, "I've said a lot worse."

This is not going well, so I stuff more things under the door and another expletive is heard. I'm actually thinking more and worse expletives in my thoughts than the officer could ever utter.

More rattling, thumping and then silence. I decided to pull up my big girl panties and see what's going on.

The officer said," Hey, do you have any duct tape? And hey, what about a piece of cardboard box?"

Ah, the high-tech world of snake wrangling.Dirk runs to the garage to trim some cardboard. I'm still shivering in the bedroom and finally get enough guts to see what is going on.

Ah, the officer and lead snake handler is proudly crouched by a large vintage Quality Candies tin that we use as a trash can. He is holding down a neatly trimmed piece of cardboard and waiting for Dirk to bring some duct tape.

Now, I purchased this candy tin (now a snake cage) from a fellow antique dealer who used to work at the same shop as I did. And come to think of it, I also purchased the lovely pine bookcase the snake was hiding under from her. We no longer work at the same antique store, but she still works downtown in the trade--so I think I'll have to pay her a visit this weekend and tell her to take her voodoo hex snake powder curse off the two items I purchased from her that were involved in the rattlesnake battle.

The officer, whom I will now refer to as, Officer Hero, was smiling and asked me if I'd like to take a peek at the rattlesnake before the cardboard got taped down.

"Thanks, but heck no!"

"Oh, come on," he cajoled," Curiosity will get the best of you!"

"No, it won't," I screeched.

Seeing my obvious agitation and lingering affects of adrenalin, he decided to comfort me with the information that there were a lot of rattlesnakes around here. Well, I'll be darned. We live in a newer house in the developed part of Florence. Certainly not on farmland or in the more rural areas.

Dirk brought in the duct tape. Officer Hero and the other two officers--I did not notice until I calmed down that there were three officers-- did a bang up job of duct taping the cardboard to the candy tin.

I ask all of them what I can do for them, since I am grateful for what they did. "Nothing, we get paid for this," one of the other officers replied.

You don't get paid enough, I am thinking. I was thinking along the lines of buying tickets for the Policeman's Ball, if Florence even has such a thing, or donating to some police charity--but am too rattled (pun intended) to pursue that idea.

"Okay," Officer Hero said," We'll take care of the snake and be back to return the tin later. And if it's too late and you're not up, we'll just leave it on the porch."

"Oh, I think I'll be up most of the night after this."

Officer Hero was truly fantastic. He had attempted to get the snake by just blindly scooping at it with the hanger and then later this hook-type thing called a Thera-Cane that one uses to reach sore spots in places you can't reach.

Dirk later told me Officer Hero and the other officers didn't wish to move the bookcase because they were afraid of breaking things. Of course, Dirk told them that people were more important than our things.

So, right before the officers left to take care of the rattler, he had the other two move the bookcase back. It turns out Officer Hero is a bit of an interior decorator. He told the other two officers after they moved the bookcase back, "Hey, that's not centered!"

They immediately centered it.

If you look at the above picture, blurry as it is, due to Dirk still being a bit rattled when taking the picture, in the foreground is a pile of dust bunnies. As I came staggering out of the bedroom that's the first thing I noticed before the snake  candy tin. "Oh my God," I yelled," Are those dust bunnies?! On top of this, do I have to be embarrassed in front of the police due to dust bunnies?"

Dirk later told me the officers were going to release the sneaky serpent back into the wild.

I asked Dirk what all the mild cussing and noises were. "Oh, the snake just kept escaping and striking at him."

"Oh, is that all?"

I asked Officer Hero if he'd ever done this before. "Unfortunately, I've done it a few times."

Officer Hero grabbed the tin, which was rattling louder than a tambourine.

And that kids, is why the Florence Police Department is great. It really helps to have an officer with the same twisted sense of humor I have.

Dirk later told me that Officer Hero was teasing me about showing me the snake, because if he lifted the lid it would have continued striking at him. 

So, next time you see one of Florence's finest--raise your respect and a roll of duct tape for all they do. 

Florence, Colorado: What's That Clown Woman Doing With That Horn?

What is that Clown Woman doing with that horn?

As we all know, I enjoy mocking clown collectibles. It all started in Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado where I noticed a disproportionate number of clown collectibles hiding among the classy antiques. Then my mocking spread internationally to Craigslist, Ebay and Etsy.

This latest clown accessory find on Etsy is really SO well done, that it is difficult to find anything to mock or scoff at. But discovering this clown find is really a whole new world for me--and I don't mean like the whole new world you'd find in a Disney movie.

Uh oh, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore Toto, where clowns are just clowns--or even fully dressed clowns. I think we are in over our heads on this one.

I won't speculate on what this woman is doing with that horn. Where I come from we'd say: "I think she's blowing it out her arse." But since she seems like such a nice Clown Woman, I don't think she's blowing it out her arse. Or is she?

What she is doing, according to the ETSY ad, is modeling a: Clown Gold Latex Rubber Circus Costume.

Last week when I was doing my spring/summer wardrobe shopping at Wal-Mart, I thought," Just picking up a few packages of bargain panties, a jumbo bra and some old-lady shorts and T-shirts is a drag. Something is missing. I really need a clown gold latex rubber circus costume."

But I didn't know where to find one until now.

I was SO excited when I found this outfit. They can even custom make it in my size. I wonder if House of Harlot does plus sizes? Of course they do!

  Holy Cold Bosoms, Batman! Is that sheer material I see, with just some pasties covering the nipples? And by pasties, I don't mean Cornish Pasties, that I ate one too many of--and could never fit into this clown costume. It's a bit too nippy in Colorado for this outfit.

But I'm a rebel and just might want to spice up my Wal-Mart wardrobe and have something appropriate to wear to a church potluck or charity fundraiser.

Oh, no, Queen of Questionable Taste. You can't afford me. Plus, you are a mocker of clown collectibles and accessories and you don't deserve me. At least that's what the Clown Woman appears to be telling me in this picture. She's also telling me that her waist measurement is the same size in circumference as just one of my tree-trunk thighs.

She's also telling me that ETSY ain't your granny's craft store and the House of Harlot has outfitted numerous celebrities such as Beyonce--and this all above my pay grade.

This outfit is $1,162.70. I believe the House of Harlot should give me a 70 cent discount for mentioning them on my blog and making it an even $1,162. Considering who probably reads my blog, they will get no business from my eight blog readers, and I should pay them $1,162 just for having the temerity to mention their classy clown costume on my tacky blog.

But I've learned a lot from looking for clown collectibles on ETSY. I learned a new word from the House of Harlot: Fetishistas. Most of their outfits are made of latex, rubber, leather and luxury fabrics. I wouldn't know a luxury fabric if it bit me in the arse. And I didn't know that clown horns make nice arse props. So, I don't want to ever hear that blog is NOT educational. I bet you've learned more about clown collectibles, clown dating and clown accessories than your nightmares and fantasies ever imagined.

The Queen of Questionable Taste mocks clown collectibles and clown accessories on her blog. In her spare time she lives a life of hypocrisy and quiet desperation, and spends up to 20 hours a week dusting her clown collectibles collection with a feather duster wedged between her butt cheeks, dressed in a latex clown outfit she made herself to save $1,000.

Florence, Colorado: Antiques Capital and Bargains Galore

I'm cheap. I could write a whole blog just on being thrifty. Wait, I'm thrifty and that sounds better.
Yet my house is decorated with all sorts of antiques and vintage items. How do I do it?

Years before I ever moved to Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado, I'd make the short drive from Colorado Springs to take a look at the stores here. That was a long time ago, before there were as many stores and galleries and there are today.

I purchased that art deco style bowl for $7 in Florence at the annual Junktique open air market, held in Sept. as part of Pioneer Days. That was the first bargain I purchased in Florence nearly two decades ago. And the Victorian solid oak sewing cabinet the bowl is sitting on--is the last thing I purchased a few weeks ago for under $150. No, it won't be the last thing I purchase though, because the bargains are just too good.

I go for over-the-top gaudy Victorian things at times. Don't hate me--I just can't help myself. I love this Victorian hanging magazine and periodical rack with the angel and all that fancy scrolling. I don't store anything in it--I just use it as a wall hanging. Under $40.

I purchased it at The Iron Gate Antique Mall (during a sale). The Iron Gate is now The Loralie Antique Mall, located at 109 W. Main St.

Speaking of sales and bargains... I find bargains all year round here. But I think January is one of the better months to pick up exceptional bargains. January isn't as slow as one would think in the antiques capital. Lots of people have Christmas cash and lots of dealers come into town looking to replenish stock in their out-of-town or out-of-state shops. And many dealers with booths and shops in Florence are having sales to make room for new spring and summer stock.

Naturally I don't have time to get to every venue in Florence to scope out every exceptional buy--but here's one of my favorites.

Yes, it's a vintage hand-stitched dinosaur quilt. Child-sized, but fairly big. I'm not a textiles expert, but I'd say it's from the 1920s to 1950s and in nice shape. I nearly fell over when it came into a dealer's booth at The Loralie Antique Mall, 109 W. Main St., because of the price tag of only $20. And then I really was delighted when the dealer marked it down to just $10. Wh-a-a-t? Yes, $10. Don't worry, it's still there. Or it was a day or so ago. I didn't snap it up for the simple reason, I don't have room in my house.

Then I got to looking at some of the other sales dealers at The Loralie Antiques Mall are having right now.

Yes, a whole shelf of markdowns in one booth.

And some dealers have put their whole booths on sale. Sales range from 20 percent to 75 percent off.

See, 75 percent off in one booth.

Yes, Florence has bargains galore.

Florence, Colorado: New Vintage Book Dealer

Don't tell anyone. When I see books, I'm like a kid in a candy store. So I was delighted to see a new vendor at The Loralie Antique Mall, that specializes in vintage and books on history and Colorado.

Ah, pull up a chair and browse all the tomes. Everything is organized by category.

And the newest dealer at The Loralie Antique Mall also has a few Oriental antiquities for sale, as well as some other varieties, such as the lyre table, pottery, cameras and a bit of lighting.

It's always fun to see what's old (and new) in Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado.

The Loralie Antique Mall is located at 109 W. Main St. and is open seven days a week.

Florence, Colorado: All I Want For Valentine's Day Is Lamb Livers

Are you totally stumped about what to get your Valentine? You know, the person who has everything? Never fear, I have found the PERFECT gift. Lamb Livers.

More accurately,--a vintage tin that used to hold lamb livers.

No, no. I am not suggesting you give your Valentine anything gruesome that would remind them of the Valentine's Day Massacre.

I'm suggesting that you can purchase the weirdest, I mean, um the most unique Valentine's gift ever in Florence, which is the antiques capital of Colorado. Now we might be able to dub Florence as the epicenter of the most tasty and funky Valentine's gifts ever.

I've never been probed by aliens and I've passed all my mental health exams, but I am convinced there are hidden messages in some of the window displays in Florence.

IF you have the courage, continue reading this blog to see what I mean. Or better yet, next time you are in Florence--see for yourself.

Yes, this tasty vintage item is actually in the Valentine's window display at The Loralie Antique Mall, located at 109 W. Main St.

Read on--we'll have some more interesting views of what happens in Florence.

And always remember: What happens in Florence, doesn't stay in Florence.

Florence, Colorado: It's A Good Year For Tomatoes & The Rialto Theater

It's always a good year for the 1923 Rialto Theater on Florence's Main Street. Because each year that passes, the old beauty (one of the last opera houses built in Colorado) is closer to being restored to its former glory.

It's always good to support the Rialto and all the fundraising efforts. But now is your chance to give to a good cause and have some fun.

OK, it's not a good year for tomatoes at all. But it's a great time to attend the play: It's A Bad Year For Tomatoes, being performed at the Rialto to raise money for the restoration.

The tomatoey play is being brought to Florence by the Fremont Civic Theater. Did you know that the FCT is Colorado's oldest continuously active theater organization? I did not know. But I do now. So I've redeemed myself. You'd know that interesting tidbit and much more though if you visited the group's Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/FremontCivicTheater/

Oh, the poster is a bit chopped. Sorry. I notice the play is rated PG-13, so I'm going to guess that perhaps a tomato or two might also get chopped. Perhaps made into ketchup or something.

I have no idea what the play is about. Tomatoes maybe? But I do know I am going.

This will be the first performance held at the Rialto for decades and buying a ticket or two is one step closer to seeing the total restoration of the Rialto, located at 209 W. Main St.

Tickets are available by calling 719-275-8989 or at Absolute Accounting and City Market in Canon City. Or at Heartland Antiques and the Fox Den in Florence.

And while you in town gawking at the beauty of the Rialto and planning to see the tomato play, you might as well come a little early and browse the town's many antiques shops and art galleries. And of course, have a morsel or two to eat at some of Florence's great restaurants.

I was just stuffing my cakehole at Ito's Japanese Restaurant and Steakhouse the other night, thinking it was totally cool that I don't have to leave our tiny burg to get some of the most awesome food ever.

And now I don't have to leave town to have a fun night at the theater!