What They Are Really Thinking On The Antiques Roadshow

Yes, you just destroyed a valuable antique by cleaning it. I don't care if Betsy Ross left a piece of stinky cheese in the buffet, don't clean it. I don't care if General Sherman's horse peed all over that sword, just leave it alone.

Oh, yeah! I went to this yard sale and I offered this little old lady $1 for all this jewelry. She was asking $5, but I thought, what the heck? And now you are saying it's worth a million? No! It can't be true. I thought it was costume jewelry. Wink! I wouldn't know platinum if it bit me in the behind.

And the bonus to all this, is now everyone who was planning on having a yard or estate sale will watch The Antiques Roadshow or look it up on Ebay (without realizing all the variations on condition and design) and think everything is worth a fortune.

I always like looking someone in the eye( wait I can't see his eyes) when I tell them that Star Wars collectibles can now be worth more that Civil War antiques. I've been a prestigious dealer for decades and I never thought I'd be talking smack with a Star Wars trooper or soldier or whatever the heck they call them.

Excuse me while I go home and cuddle up one last time with my worthless collection, that includes things like Abe Lincoln's stovepipe hat, and kick myself that I didn't invest in Star Wars memorabilia. I did jump into the Beanie Babies craze and lost my house on Martha's Vineyard. And well, my wife and family disowned me too. Excuse me while I go hang myself.


The Queen of Questionable Taste is a part-time antiques and collectibles dealer and a mocker of  tacky, ugly, FUNky  and horrid collectibles and other questionable items, but takes special glee in mocking scary clowns and frogs. The Queen appreciates a good antique and some collectibles, but insists that another man's trash is always trash--unless of course someone is willing to pay the big bucks for it. The Queen used to be a newspaper reporter and also wrote for a major national magazine. The Queen enjoys decorating her home in the tacky pseudo-Victorian gypsy funk style, gardening, reading and acting offended when her husband, The King of Impeccable Taste, makes folk art out of junk he scrounges for free from alleys and other people's yards and out of the Arkansas River. The Queen and her husband have lived in colorful Colorado for over 20 years and LOVE it.

Is It An Antique Mall or An Antiques Mall?

Is it an antique mall or an antiques mall? Antique store or antiques store?

You say tomato and I say tomato. OK, say it however you wish, as long as you don't write: I want to eat a tomatoe. Eeek!

I am not a grammar cop, but it recently came up in conversation when I noted that Florence was sometimes touted as the antique capital of Colorado and at other times--the antiques capital of Colorado.

I asked a few people which they thought was correct. Some believed it was antique capital and a few more believed, antiques capital.

I explained that it is quite simple. If one refers to a town as an antique capital, it suggests the town itself is an antique. Perhaps the first capital in the state? If one refers to a mall or shop as an antique shop, then it suggests the shop or mall is an antique. I went on to say, that if I refer to a woman as an antique, I am saying she is old. If I refer to her as an antiques woman--I am suggesting she is an antiques dealer or into antiques.

 But here is where I rest my case. It's Antiques Roadshow, not Antique Roadshow.

So, that is why I refer to Florence as, the antiques capital of Colorado.

And today,or tomorrow, thank your English teacher if you know the difference when to use antiques or antique. Or the difference between your and you're--as in you're not paying attention to your English teacher.