Florence, Colorado: Finally, Someone Tells The Truth

Finally, someone tells the truth about Florence, the antiques capital of Colorado.

I spotted this sign today (Aug. 25) a day that will go down in infamy. COME IN AND DON'T GET LOST. INCREDIBLE HOARD! 1000's OF ITEMS! WOW!

Notice the innocent people pictured by the sign on Florence's Main Street, they are fleeing. They don't want to get lost in the incredible hoard.

I personally have always wanted to get lost in a hoard. A hoard of ice cream sundaes and delicious crunchy chips--but not a hoard of antiques, collectibles and junk.

But at least the truth is out about Florence. Some people call it collections, some call it hoards. But town is packed with more antiques and oddities than just about anyplace. Perhaps the crew of the TV show, Hoarders, should drop by and see if any assistance is needed.

Florence, Colorado: My Summer Vacation At Bass Pro Shops

Occasionally I like to go on a vacation and leave the quaint burg of Florence, Colorado. This year, time, so far, hasn't allowed a lengthy trip. So I decided on another fun Colorado day trip.

Too far to drive to the Natural History Museum in Denver? Haven't budgeted for the price of admission? No worries. Here's a cheapo and fun way to get a few hour vacation by trolling Bass Pro Shop in Colorado Springs. It's ALMOST like the Natural History Museum. And I'm pretty sure the security at Bass Pro Shops isn't quite as strict as the security at the Natural History Museum.

Join with me as I take a few hour retail vacation. Or if you're really smart, you'll leave this blog page as fast as humanly possible and get yourself to a real vacation.

Who needs to go on an expensive roller coaster to scream one's kiester off. Cheap thrills are free on my vacation. Unfortunately as I was posing for this picture, one bystander starting laughing so loudly that it almost broke my concentration. But we got the picture right before alarmed parents covered their children's eyeballs and whisked them away.

Now don't try this at home (or in the wild children) but I enjoy comparing my manicure to the bear's. I won.

Since I blew my vacation budget of $33.96 that I pulled out of my couch cushions on gas and some alligator bites at the restaurant at Bass Pro Shops, I decided to give myself a free pedicure in the alligator head at the fishy-themed bowling alley. I tried not to alarm any schoolchildren or nuns with my size nines, but someone passing by did suggest that I wouldn't need a paddle board to get across any water since my feet were paddle board-sized. OK, no one actually said that. Must have been the voices in my head or that snippy alligator.

I wasn't the only one having a good time at Bass Pro Shops. That's Uncle Buck. He has a restaurant at Bass Pro Shops. Quite lovely food there, I must say. I did tell him to put the mermaid down, that it was not his. But he didn't listen. I think he mumbled something about enjoying fresh sea food. But I could have misunderstood.

And that is how you have a fun and cheap day trip vacation in Colorado.

The Clown Collectibles Mocker: Creepy Clown Cakes

Creepy clown collectibles are overtaking the world. Fellow clown collectibles mockers should get a kick out of this hilarious website: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2011/4/6/the-incredible-non-edible-plastic-clown-head.html?currentPage=2

Cake Wrecks.com is approved by the blog owner of True Story Club (aka The Clown Collectibles Mocker.) They don't just make fun of clown cake wrecks, but the fact that they know about the toxic horror of the incredible, non-edible plastic clown heads make my Respect-O-Meter twitch with delight.

The Clown Collectibles Mocker (also known as The Queen of Questionable Taste) spends too much time mocking clown collectibles and clown fashions, accessories and jewelry. In her spare time, she dusts her clown collectibles collection with a clown-colored feather duster clenched between her butt cheeks. Why? Because she can. And because it's good aerobic exercise. The Clown Collectibles Mocker doesn't mock real clowns or people (in public) and hopes that if people run across their handiwork or items on this blog, they realize it is a high honor and just in fun.